Squashing Negativity

This is going to be another non picture post - unless I throw one in at the last minute. (and I did. ooooo :))

Last week was not fun.  I was wholly convinced that I was pregnant.  I thought I was having symptoms - I even convinced myself to take a test early.  About 2 days early.  Well, needless to say, it become evident the night before I was going to take the test, that I was not pregnant.  I was crushed.  It's been about a year.  But it was about a year with Ohlen, a year and some odd months when we had the miscarriage, 6 months after that for Noah.  So yeah, we are "used" to having to wait quite a while.  It just never gets easy.  And sometimes it can really drag me down.  And I can be pretty negative.  There were some dark hours last week.

But then I had to give it away - I had to decide to come out of it.

I was on my morning run - except I was walking, because I really didn't have the will to run that morning.  I was crying out to God about it, plus a bunch of other negative things that I was thinking.  And I realized - I had to give it up.  There is nothing more I can do - I am doing all that I can for this situation - I have to give it up.  There is no use worrying over it. 

The timing in Ohlen and Noah's arrivals was perfect.  The age difference between them is great.  We were at a good point in our lives when we had each of them.  Financially and other wise.  God knows what He is is doing.  There is a reason it is taking so long.  Probably for my own sanity. :) 

So I gave it to Him that morning.  I still struggle.  It wasn't an instant quick fix.  I still struggle with negativity in general, cynicism, paranoia, and not having confidence in myself.  For example:  I was very close to taking down my jogging posts.  Why?  Because I thought that my few readers probably think I am ridiculous for posting about it.  That I have no business posting about it when I am still not where I want to be physically...

But I'm working on it.  It's getting better.  It needs to get better.  That saying about When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy... there is alot of truth to that.  The kids can read my mood almost better than I can.  I don't want to be fake - but I want to be more positive.  I think that I am generally positive and optimistic - this negativity has just been creeping up and needs to be squashed - and with some divine help - I think I'm moving in the right direction.

Does anyone else struggle with this?  Any strategies for what helps you?  There are a few other things that help me:

My few other things  (and a crazy dog thrown in)