Thursday, May 24, 2012


10 years ago, at this very moment (or you know, close) of 10:38 pm I was getting into bed, thinking about all that the next day held.  I was going to be marrying the man that I felt was the perfect match for me.

Now 10 years later, I would tell myself that I still feel the same way.  I still feel like I married the man that is a perfect match for me.

I'm having a really hard time thinking of what to write here.  There are just so many things that I could write about.  The past 10 years have been so full.  We've both changed and grown, but it feels like we did that together.  We are still on the same page.  Which is, I think, part of what has made the past 10 years so great.

As I sit and look around I can't help but just be completely content and happy with where I am in life right now.  I love and respect my husband so much.  I think we really work well together.  We share many of the same dreams.  We are usually on the same page when it comes to raising our kids and finances and other important things.

I thank God for setting our paths to cross and blessing me with such a perfect match.

And now for some blast from the past pictures.  The first is from early 2000 when we were seniors in high school.  The rest are from our wedding.  Definitely dates us, looking at our posed wedding pictures, decor, and such.  lol  But it was a nice simple wedding.  We have 4 left feet between us, so we opted for just a meal for the reception, and then off we went to our honeymoon.  We just left town for a bigger city for a couple nights.  We were 19 and 20 and in the middle of college, there was no budget for anything else.  But it was great.  We went to the zoo, a science center, saw a movie (Star Wars ep. 2 - we did get married on the 25th anniversary of the release of A New Hope. :) ), and just enjoyed some down time before we went back and had to start working for the summer. (and I apologize for the poor picture quality.  We were married predigital camera (at least for us) and I don't have the scanner here, so I just took a picture of a picture, and that just always turns out great... especially when you do it at night by the light of the ceiling light...)

So very young.

Off to our honeymoon, as soon as we rid the car of about a dozen balloons.

It's been an amazing 10 years, and I can't wait to see what the next 10, 20, 30, etc. years hold for us and our family.

I'm still wonderfully, eternally, completely, 100 percently in love with this man.

Friday, May 18, 2012

The enemy

Any one else fighting the laundry mountain?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Growing Up

This is one of those posts that has the potential to go on in forever in a sea of text.  Probably not the greatest and most exciting of things for a blog.  So, in anticipation of myself writing too much, I will attempt to keep myself reigned in.

I've been doing a whole of self reflection over the last few weeks.  I blame this on the ominous approach of my 30th birthday on the last day of this month.  Ok, that's a little dramatic, as I really have no probably whatsoever with turning 30.  I found my first gray hair around the age of 17, and my first stretch mark when my hips exploded sometime in Jr High.  These things don't bother me.

It's the inner stuff that I'm really trying to take assessment of.  How I'm spending my time.  How I'm handling myself.  How I am thinking about things.  I think most everyone knows how to act in certain situations.  We know how to put on a front.  Although, I as I get older, or grow up, I am starting to break down that false wall.   You know the one.  The one your mom put up as soon as the phone rang while you were being punished.  Her eyes were still giving you that "mom glare" but her voice talking to the person on the phone would have made you think she were out on a lounge chair on the porch sipping tea watching the sunset.  Do I fault mom for this, of course not, the poor person on the end of the line didn't need to be greeted with the same emotion that was being directed toward us, that I'm sure we completely deserved.  However, I think there are some places that we should break through that fake wall of eternal contentment.

Sunday morning was one of those instances for me.  Someone at church asked how I was doing.  And instead of answering with a cheerful "Great! How are you?"  I answered with a very honest, tired, "Alright."  That morning I had got all the kids ready for church myself, as Jonathan was not feeling well at all.  I was tired.  And answering that way led to a wonderful conversation that really raised my spirits for the day.  That first response probably wouldn't have produced such an honest conversation.

I could ramble on.

I actually wrote a whole other paragraph, about time management, and realized that that really doesn't go with what I was talking about at all really...  So I'll save that for another day.

So the point. At almost 30 I think I'm starting to understand how to be more authentic. At least in a small way.

I think I need to try and translate that to how I think about myself. I think sometimes I lie to myself about myself..  I know there are times when I look in the mirror and really see myself, and am taken aback.  For some reason, in my mind's eye, I am still the same size and shape that I was at about 17...  not so much.  And I often wonder if I'm not doing that with my inner self too.  Am I completely overlooking some part of my personality that needs work?  Well, to be honest, I know there are things I need to work on.  My patience, for one.  My compassion.  My temper.  My cynicism.   My 17 year old self didn't really struggle with those things.  She struggled with a whole other batch of emotions.  And now, at 30, I have a completely different life.  I've been married for almost 10 years.  I have 3 kids, and one on the way.  My job is babysitting two kids, on top of having my own 3 at home.  A whole different ball game from working at a restaurant, dating, being in high school, living with my parents.  I didn't have a whole lot of need for patience.  At least not patience for 5 children 5 and under that are relying on me for just about everything.  I didn't have anything to be cynical about, except maybe when I wasn't allowed to do exactly what I wanted, and to be honest, that really didn't happen a whole lot.

I have a feeling my 17 year old self would be shocked to see how wide her hips are going to get.  And how fast those gray hairs are going to multiply and take over.  But I also have a feeling she would tell me that I need to chill out.  She would be so incredibly happy with where I am.  I am living exactly the life I wanted to live.  I wanted to be a mom.  I wanted to be at home with my kids.  I wanted to get married to a man that I respect and love with all my heart. I have it pretty darn good, and I really have no need to be cynical.  Or to have a temper.  Or to lose my patience.

I just need to remind myself of this daily.  It is way too easy to get caught up in the little frustrations of the day, and completely forget about the joy of the big picture!

Thanks for reading my ramblings.  Reading back through I think I still made a pretty crazy transition somewhere in the middle there... Oh well. :)  It's where the thoughts were going tonight.  And now... it is time for bed.  Apparently I have some sort of draw for writing here after midnight, as I'm pretty sure that's about what time I wrote my last entry as well.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

3 Years Ago Tonight

3 years ago today, I prepared 2 separate suppers, one I was taking to a family that had just had a baby, and the other for us and a couple that was supposed to join us for supper.

3 years ago this evening, I was completely exhausted after having worked hard on the meals all day.  Turns out the couple joining us for supper completely forgot about our plans.  I stared feeling like something was a little amiss right around 9:30.

3 years ago right now, I was in the triage area, breathing through contractions while the NBA playoffs were on the TV.

3 years ago at about 1:30 am, I got an epidural and giggled about not being able to feel my legs.  And astonished the nurses when they realized I was just about completely dilated, when I was only at a 6 (10 is complete) before I got the epidural.

3 years ago at 2:14am Noah Reuben joined our family.

These past 3 years have gone by so fast.  He is no longer our youngest.  He has embraced his role as middle child. :)  Destined for a childhood full of hand me downs, but also full of sibling love.

He is our clown.  He is the one that gets when someone is teasing him.  "You kidding me?"  He already knows how to tease back.  He has the best laugh.  He loves his big brother and his little sister.  He was the one that correctly guessed that his new sibling was going to be a little brother.  He has light wavy hair, in contrast to Ohlen with his darker straight as an arrow hair.

12 am 5/5 - Officially Noah's birthday  :)

He loves being outside.  He loves digging in the dirt.  He tells great stories.  "And what happened!"  Complete with hand gestures and often reenactments. If you look up "independent" in the dictionary, you may just find his picture.

We love you Noah! Happy Birthday little grizzly bear!!  Good bye "terrible" twos, hello thermal detonating threes. :)  (Yeah, I made that up that name for the threes in honor of Star Wars day...)  (Dear Noah, sorry your mom is such a nerd.)