Growing Up

This is one of those posts that has the potential to go on in forever in a sea of text.  Probably not the greatest and most exciting of things for a blog.  So, in anticipation of myself writing too much, I will attempt to keep myself reigned in.

I've been doing a whole of self reflection over the last few weeks.  I blame this on the ominous approach of my 30th birthday on the last day of this month.  Ok, that's a little dramatic, as I really have no probably whatsoever with turning 30.  I found my first gray hair around the age of 17, and my first stretch mark when my hips exploded sometime in Jr High.  These things don't bother me.

It's the inner stuff that I'm really trying to take assessment of.  How I'm spending my time.  How I'm handling myself.  How I am thinking about things.  I think most everyone knows how to act in certain situations.  We know how to put on a front.  Although, I as I get older, or grow up, I am starting to break down that false wall.   You know the one.  The one your mom put up as soon as the phone rang while you were being punished.  Her eyes were still giving you that "mom glare" but her voice talking to the person on the phone would have made you think she were out on a lounge chair on the porch sipping tea watching the sunset.  Do I fault mom for this, of course not, the poor person on the end of the line didn't need to be greeted with the same emotion that was being directed toward us, that I'm sure we completely deserved.  However, I think there are some places that we should break through that fake wall of eternal contentment.

Sunday morning was one of those instances for me.  Someone at church asked how I was doing.  And instead of answering with a cheerful "Great! How are you?"  I answered with a very honest, tired, "Alright."  That morning I had got all the kids ready for church myself, as Jonathan was not feeling well at all.  I was tired.  And answering that way led to a wonderful conversation that really raised my spirits for the day.  That first response probably wouldn't have produced such an honest conversation.

I could ramble on.

I actually wrote a whole other paragraph, about time management, and realized that that really doesn't go with what I was talking about at all really...  So I'll save that for another day.

So the point. At almost 30 I think I'm starting to understand how to be more authentic. At least in a small way.

I think I need to try and translate that to how I think about myself. I think sometimes I lie to myself about myself..  I know there are times when I look in the mirror and really see myself, and am taken aback.  For some reason, in my mind's eye, I am still the same size and shape that I was at about 17...  not so much.  And I often wonder if I'm not doing that with my inner self too.  Am I completely overlooking some part of my personality that needs work?  Well, to be honest, I know there are things I need to work on.  My patience, for one.  My compassion.  My temper.  My cynicism.   My 17 year old self didn't really struggle with those things.  She struggled with a whole other batch of emotions.  And now, at 30, I have a completely different life.  I've been married for almost 10 years.  I have 3 kids, and one on the way.  My job is babysitting two kids, on top of having my own 3 at home.  A whole different ball game from working at a restaurant, dating, being in high school, living with my parents.  I didn't have a whole lot of need for patience.  At least not patience for 5 children 5 and under that are relying on me for just about everything.  I didn't have anything to be cynical about, except maybe when I wasn't allowed to do exactly what I wanted, and to be honest, that really didn't happen a whole lot.

I have a feeling my 17 year old self would be shocked to see how wide her hips are going to get.  And how fast those gray hairs are going to multiply and take over.  But I also have a feeling she would tell me that I need to chill out.  She would be so incredibly happy with where I am.  I am living exactly the life I wanted to live.  I wanted to be a mom.  I wanted to be at home with my kids.  I wanted to get married to a man that I respect and love with all my heart. I have it pretty darn good, and I really have no need to be cynical.  Or to have a temper.  Or to lose my patience.

I just need to remind myself of this daily.  It is way too easy to get caught up in the little frustrations of the day, and completely forget about the joy of the big picture!

Thanks for reading my ramblings.  Reading back through I think I still made a pretty crazy transition somewhere in the middle there... Oh well. :)  It's where the thoughts were going tonight.  And now... it is time for bed.  Apparently I have some sort of draw for writing here after midnight, as I'm pretty sure that's about what time I wrote my last entry as well.

3 Years Ago Tonight

3 years ago today, I prepared 2 separate suppers, one I was taking to a family that had just had a baby, and the other for us and a couple that was supposed to join us for supper.

3 years ago this evening, I was completely exhausted after having worked hard on the meals all day.  Turns out the couple joining us for supper completely forgot about our plans.  I stared feeling like something was a little amiss right around 9:30.

3 years ago right now, I was in the triage area, breathing through contractions while the NBA playoffs were on the TV.

3 years ago at about 1:30 am, I got an epidural and giggled about not being able to feel my legs.  And astonished the nurses when they realized I was just about completely dilated, when I was only at a 6 (10 is complete) before I got the epidural.

3 years ago at 2:14am Noah Reuben joined our family.

These past 3 years have gone by so fast.  He is no longer our youngest.  He has embraced his role as middle child. :)  Destined for a childhood full of hand me downs, but also full of sibling love.

He is our clown.  He is the one that gets when someone is teasing him.  "You kidding me?"  He already knows how to tease back.  He has the best laugh.  He loves his big brother and his little sister.  He was the one that correctly guessed that his new sibling was going to be a little brother.  He has light wavy hair, in contrast to Ohlen with his darker straight as an arrow hair.

12 am 5/5 - Officially Noah's birthday  :)

He loves being outside.  He loves digging in the dirt.  He tells great stories.  "And what happened!"  Complete with hand gestures and often reenactments. If you look up "independent" in the dictionary, you may just find his picture.

We love you Noah! Happy Birthday little grizzly bear!!  Good bye "terrible" twos, hello thermal detonating threes. :)  (Yeah, I made that up that name for the threes in honor of Star Wars day...)  (Dear Noah, sorry your mom is such a nerd.)

Exciting Week

This is quite the week for us over here.  First off, I had my mid way ultrasound appointment yesterday.  It was, as always, an amazing experience.  I feel so blessed to live in a day and age where we have the technology to be able to take a peek at our little one inside.  Especially this early, before being able to feel super big kicks.  To be able to see the baby moving all around.  To see their tiny heart pumping, their little limbs moving all over, their tiny little perfect noses, and, of course, getting that confirmation of what "kind" of baby is in there.

I was asked if it loses some excitement with the 4th one, and for me, absolutely not.  I was still anxious all day, wanting the time until the appointment to speed by.  I was still a little nervous that there might be something wrong.  I was still waiting with baited breath to hear the announcement of the baby's gender.  And I laughed out loud when it was announced.  I had unconsciously been using a gender specific pronoun the last couple of days, and I was right. We are having our third little boy.  And we couldn't be more elated.  When it comes down to it, no, it didn't matter.  We would be elated with another girl.  I can't describe the feeling that came over me when we were leaving the hospital.  The feeling that this is our family.  This is it.  This is who we are going to make memories with.  This is who we will get to see blossom and grow.  This is who we will love for the rest of our lives.  3 boys and 1 girl.  Just seems right.  I know that anything can happen, that we aren't guaranteed anything in this life, but why on earth would I dwell on what might happen?  Doesn't seem like much fun.  I know what stress and worry can do to a person, and I know that if  I let myself, I can let worry drag me down too, but I can't allow that to happen.  As much as it pained me to see worry eat away at that person, it also made me much more aware of it in my own life as I've gotten older and have kids of my own.  I just wish that person were still around to talk to about it; I wasn't well enough equipped back then.

Wow, that certainly went to a place I wasn't expecting.  I suppose that's what happens when you write these things late at night on a whim...

In any event, I give you a sneak peek at our little one.  I'll spare you the boy proof picture.  I mean, I get why they print it off for you, but we will keep it to ourselves.

The other exciting part of our week is all about the oldest child of our little clan.  He will be going tomorrow morning to register and be screened for Kindergarten.  I am so very excited for him.  I know he is going to love school.  (For now, at least.) He has been counting down the days.

It's all kind of surreal for me.  We will be starting anew with a brand new life the same time we will be watching our oldest take some of those first real steps towards independence. I want him to be independent, but it isn't always easy to let go.

I can't wait to see what he can accomplish. I knew I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  This is one of the things that I was looking forward to.  Seeing what my kids make of themselves.  To encourage them and push them to be their best.  Being on the brink of school just brings all those feelings to the forefront.  I know, he's only 5, but I feel like the post I will write when he is about to graduate from highschool will come along entirely too quickly.  I know the ride probably won't be an easy one, but it will be worth it.

I guess really, it feels like we are on the brink of starting a whole new phase of life.  We are both going to turn 30 this year.  We will celebrate our 10 year anniversary soon.  We are having our last baby (at least that's the plan). We are moving out of the newborn/baby stage and into the having kids in school phase.  It's exciting.

We've had some things not go the way we planned lately, and we are realizing just how trivial they really are.  We step back, take a look around, see the roof over our head, the food on our table, a 5 year old who can ask some profound questions, an almost 3 year old that constantly makes others laugh, a 10 month old that completely lights up at the sight of her daddy, and an ultrasound picture of a new life to come, we realize that we have been blessed by God so richly.  We couldn't ask for anything more.

Hanging out at the Capitol

Our big trip has come and gone.

While we didn't head out to England, or someplace tropical, we still had a great time hanging out around Capitol Hill in our nation's capital, Washington, DC.

We really went back and forth about where we wanted to go.  England was out because it was way out of our budget, for both money and time.  All inclusive resorts were out because of budget - mostly because of the having to fly there first.  Flights are expensive.  We went back and forth between a cruise and this DC trip quite a few times, but in the end decided we wanted to save a cruise for when I would be able to do all the stuff we would want to do.  The one cruise we were looking at had some really cool excursions to ruins, but they deemed them as pretty physically intense, and that probably wouldn't be the best for the pregnant lady.  Plus there were the plane tickets, which most of the time actually cost more than the base price of the cruise...  So we decided to go off to DC.

We had a great time.  The great thing about going to DC is that every museum and site we went to was free.  We visited the Air and Space Museum, Museum of Natural History, The American History Museum, Museum of Art (which had an exhibit, The Art of Video Games, which was fun.), The Botanical Gardens - all free.  We didn't hit up a whole lot of the monuments as we had been there before.  We did check out the World War II memorial, as it was new since we had been there in 2000.  We did pay to see an IMAX movie at the Air and Space Museum.

Another thing I did for this vacation was to leave my camera at home.  These are all from my camera on my phone.  I just didn't want to have to worry about my camera.

We were kind of surprised because we didn't think the prices for food were all that outrageous, especially for a big city.

We chose to stay at a hotel close to the Capitol building with the idea that we would be able to walk everywhere.  And we did the first night and day, but then we decided to try out the metro system, and we are glad we did.  We both got a pass and rode the subway a few times.  It was super easy, and saved our feet and backs.  I think if we went again, we might stay a little further away from things, and use the subway more. I would think it would save a little on the cost of lodging.

We also checked out two movies while we were there. The Hunger Games and Wrath of the Titans.  I enjoyed them, but I'm really not that picky with movies.  We learned that one should never order concessions before knowing the price.  Lol.  We didn't have time for lunch before the one movie, so we got something to tide us over... cheap it was not.

Our last morning there we left and headed to my best friend's place in Lancaster, PA.  We got to visit with her and she gave us a place to sleep for our last night out.  It was so great. Plus I got to visit the Colombian bakery there for some Passion fruit juice, and it was wonderful.

Another thing we did for this trip was rent a car.  We only have a mini van and an suv, neither of which gets good gas mileage.  Plus, we really didn't want to put that much wear and tear on either of them, as they both have quite a few miles on them already.  When it was all said and done, we probably spent just about as much renting as we would have driving our own cars because of the crazy difference in gas mileage.  Definitely worth it for us.

I definitely would recommend our hotel if you ever want to stay close to Smithsonian Museums and the Capitol building.  We stayed at the Capitol Hill Suites.  When I was looking for a place there were very few options that close that also had a free breakfast and free wifi. They had both, and it was great.  The staff was very friendly.   Our room also had a small (empty) fridge, kitchen sink, and microwave.  The one drawback is that there was a fee for having our car parked there.

All in all it was a great trip for us.  We were able to have long conversations before 8pm that weren't interrupted.  I didn't have to worry about feeding anyone but myself, and there were no diapers to change.  We were able to sleep in past 7am! It was a great, relaxing extended weekend.

The kids had a great time too, hanging out with Grandpa and Grandma.  They all, apparently, slept really well, which is such a blessing, to have kids that can and will sleep anywhere.

OH - and especially fun is that I actually felt baby moving on the outside. (As in, I felt some movement, and put my hand where I was feeling it, and actually felt it on my hand.)  So that was great too, and I have really been having an increase in feeling movement.  Our ultrasound is next Tuesday, so hopefully I will be blogging about that soon.  As well as a new adventure we are possibly diving into.  (Ok, adventure might be too strong of a word... but it involves animals.)

Chocolate Pudding Ice Cream

I experimented tonight, and it turned out so good I had to come share it.

I've made several different frozen goodies since I got my ice cream attachment for my mixer, but I've never tried to make chocolate.  Most of the recipes I had seen called for more work than I was willing to do without advance planning.  Or they called for an overnight chill.  Actually I would like to see what this recipe would do with an overnight chill, but I was in too big of a hurry tonight.

Chocolate Pudding Ice Cream

3c milk (I used 2% - would be fun to experiment with whipping cream, but this way was cheaper and on hand.)
1/2 c sugar
1/2 c instant chocolate pudding mix
1/2 c cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla

Whisk all ingredient vigorously until well combined.  This took a little bit longer than I thought and seemed like it would never combine, but it did.  Place in refrigerator until ready to use.  I think mine was in there for about 30 minutes.  Follow instructions for your ice cream maker.

We think it turned out great.  Still waiting on Jonathan's verdict - he is gone for the night, so it will be a surprise for him when he gets home.  He has been wanting me to try to make some chocolate, so it will be fun to see if he likes it.

To me it tastes a lot like fudge bar, but it has the consistency of a frosty.  This is where I wonder if a longer chill would make it thicker - or maybe I was a little impatient stopping the mixer... :)  There was a thicker consistency on the edges of the bowl, it was more like harder ice cream, but really, we don't care much about the consistency - although it did thaw fairly fast.

And it would probably taste amazing with some add ins - maybe some nuts, marshmallow creme....  craisins??  Love all the possibilities.

(Oh, and we definitely have some spring fever around here.  We even grilled out side for our supper, it was like a preview of summer.)

Best Sound

The best sound an expecting mother can hear, is the strong beating of a heartbeat from a little doppler machine(?) held on her abdomen.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot, we are expecting!  If you know any of our story, as far as having kids goes, you know that this is extremely fast for us.  We have come to expect a year - year and a half wait to get that positive pregnancy test.  This time though, God had different plans for us.

We were completely shocked.  We knew it could happen, but neither of us expected it to happen so soon.  This time it took about 3 months.  Crazy.  It was the best Christmas gift, to find out we were expecting our 4th child.

But back to the sound.  I had my first OB appointment Tuesday.  It is a longer appointment.  Lots of questions.  But at the very end, you get to hear that heartbeat.  With each child, that sound has made it all the more real.  I'm 12 weeks along, I've been feeling terrible, but other than that, there really isn't much to show that there is a little one coming in several months.  No protruding belly, no felt kicks, and for the Dr I see, no ultrasound pictures to gaze at.

So I cherish that whoosh whoosh.

Oh and for the record.  She said the heartrate was in the 160s.  Both boys were consistently in the 130s, Katherine's was always higher than 140...  What does that mean??  Well, scientifically, absolutely nothing.


I'm not quite sure what to do with this blog.  I enjoy coming and writing every so often, but I don't have much to write about these days.  I'm hoping to have more to say once we get to spring and gardening, maybe some crafting again.  Maybe I'll share some of the things I've been doing with the kids....

Strange January

One of the actual wintery January mornings.

January was a very strange month around here.

It is supposed to be winter.  It is supposed to be snowing with temperatures below 40.  Yesterday the thermometer hit 59...  A couple days before it snowed.  A few days before that... it was up in the 50s.  It's been back and forth all month.

I like all seasons.  Especially the colder ones, so I'm really missing winter.

On top of that, maybe because of that (no clue), we've all been fighting sickness around here.  Katherine has had a runny nose almost all month. She had a double ear infection at the beginning of the month, a fever somewhere in the middle, and is just now starting to completely come out of it.  The boys both had fevers at the beginning of this week.  I've had a touch of cold for a little over a week.  Jonathan is the same.  Although, he also had some wisdom teeth pulled last week, so he's been dealing with that too.

Goofballs

What I haven't done is craft or try any new recipes.  I'm hoping to do some of it very soon.  I had a list a year ago of things I wanted to get done sewing wise.  I think I might have done one of those projects.  Hopefully this year!

Hoping for a snowy and healthy February.

Best Idea Ever

Well, ok, maybe not the best ever, but it has lowered some stress in my life, so, at the moment, it is right up there.

In the last days of December I wrote a list of all the meals we enjoy.  Then I set up a meals calendar in my Google calendar, in which I organized the meals in a 3 week rotation.  I also did the same for the kids' lunches, but put those on a 2 week rotation.

The result has been amazing.  I had been just going day by day, and it was so frustrating. 5 o'clock would roll around and I would be at a complete loss for what to make for supper.  Now there is no thought involved.  And there is the added bonus that I can look at the approaching week of meals and do my grocery shopping accordingly, which is also a huge plus.

If you want to set up your own Meal Planning calendar, it is super easy.  (I'm sure there are plenty of great tutorials and guides to setting up an even better system out there in blogland, this is just a real simple way to do it.)

I already use Google Calendar to keep track of all sorts of things; appointments, monthly bill due dates, reminder to take out the trash, etc.  And the best part is that the main part of my calendar is shared with my husband, so I don't have to remind him about all those things (and vice versa) - it shows up right on our phones.

So, in order to save him from having to see all the meal stuff - and to make it a different color so it stood out - I created a new calendar within the main calendar.  If you open up Google Calendar and go to the left hand side, there should be a drop down menu called My Calendar.  Under that menu there should be the option to Create New Calendar.  Here is a look at mine on the weekly view - also showing where the Create a New Calendar option is.

From there it is pretty self explanatory.  For me, I went through and quick added all the meals, and then went back through and set them to repeat every 3 weeks. (Except for a few things that we really like, those I put on Thursday and set on repeat every 2 weeks. Well, actually I set two of the Thursday meals at 2 weeks and one at 3... so every once in a while there is an empty day, and a day with 2 options.)

I can't tell you how nice it is to not have to be thinking about what to make for supper each night.  So wonderful.  And, unless I change it, it will go on indefinitely.  We could be having the same thing every third Tuesday 5 years from now for all I know.

Giveaway Day - Fabric

Update:  The giveaway is now closed. 

Congratulations to commenter #145 - Kathy.

Thanks to everyone who entered to win.  It was so much fun to have my inbox filled with blog comments.  Hope you all have a great Christmas.

Welcome new comers!!

Twice a year there is a Giveaway Day hosted by Sew, Mama, Sew.  Over the past 3 years I have won 2 different things, so I thought I would have my own giveaway.  You can click on the picture above to find many more giveaways - go click now!!  (Just a warning, it may consume your entire day...)

So today, up for grabs, are 4 pieces of fabric from my stash. (edit: I know the one on the top right looks orange-ish, but it is actually pinks. This is what I get for taking the pictures on a horribly dreary rainy day.)

The first is a yard from Midwest Modern by Amy Butler.  The other 3 are fat quarters.  I'm not sure what 2 of them are, but one is from Boutique by Chez Moi - that is the one with the pink background.

To win the fabric you only need to leave a comment.  You can tell me about your favorite winter past time, but it's really not a requirement.  I'll choose a winner at random at the close of the giveaway.

The giveaway will be open until 8pm EST on December 16th.  I'll announce the winner shortly after that.  Please make sure that there is a way for me to contact you if you win.  And I will ship internationally.

Thanks for stopping by!  Enjoy browsing all the other great giveaways this week!!

Oh - and my favorite winter past time - sitting with a hot beverage (tea, coffee, hot chocolate - I'm not picky) and reading a book with the snow falling outside, that's if I'm alone.  With the kids - I love watching them stomp around in the snow and building all sorts of snow creatures with them.

Our Babies Look Alike

More baby comparisons.

Top is Katherine at around 4 months. Middle is Ohlen at around 3 months. Bottom is Noah at around 4 months.  They definitely all share some similar features. And I love that the boys had more hair at 3/4 months than Katherine does.